Incidental Pyrotechnics
by Nightengale13
Summary: The cast gets klutzy in the classroom. Insanity ensues. Things set on fire include but are not limited to: magnesium, hair gel, the school, Joey's pants. UPDATED! Read AN in chapter 3. [Discontinued]
1. Bad Chemistry

I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of its characters. If I did, do you really think I'd waste my time talking to you about them instead of talking to them? I also don't even own this story premise; it belongs to Sapphire Wolf and Phoenix Tamer, and they're two delightfully cooperative girls who let me post this in the first place. So, I wuv you two! Last but not least, thanks so much to Serena, my so-much-more-than-just-a-beta reader, who has (as of the writing of the sixth chapter) put up with a good dozen versions of this story, and reviewed them all with patience. Now, read and be amazed!  
  
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Incidental Pyrotechnics  
  
Incident One: Bad Chemistry  
  
Fifth period at Domino High, five minutes to bell. Chemistry class for one dead spirit, one blonde Egyptian, and one meek boy, whose naturally white hair may as well have been caused by stress.  
  
Ryou Bakura slapped the back of Marik Ishtar's hand, and the blonde dropped the silvery strip he'd been inching closer and closer to the Bunsen burner on the trio's lab table. "Hey!"  
  
"If you insist on burning every scrap of magnesium in the lab, do so with TWEEZERS," he coached exasperatedly, slapping the handle of a pair into Marik's empty palm.  
  
Seeming not to have heard the warning, Marik plucked at the magnesium coil, pulling off a long piece which he began edging toward the steady blue flame. His head inclined dangerously towards the fire, his faintly golden bangs nearly brushing the flame as he watched the silver wire twist with heat. Quickly, a strong hand was placed on his forehead, shoving him unceremoniously back across the lab table. The magnesium chose that moment to catch fire, and a sudden rush of white flame made Ryou jump.  
  
Bakura withdrew his hand from Marik's head and glared at the Egyptian. His rough-cut white mane slid around his shoulders like that of a lion, and his brown eyes narrowed as he studied his lab partner.  
  
"You know how much of a shame it'd be if you singed that pretty hair of yours," he chided, his tone of voice making plain his true unconcern.  
  
Meanwhile, the owner of the "pretty hair" had been distractedly watching the flame, and now he turned to Ryou. "Another?" His eyes, void of spark and thinner than normal, still seemed to shine as he blinked them pleadingly at Ryou.  
  
The short, pale teen rolled his chocolate eyes wearily. "You big baby.fine, one more, but this is the *last!*" Ryou sighed, reaching for the roll of magnesium tape.  
  
Bakura beat him to it and proceeded to pull off a five-inch strip of metal, handing it with a grin to the Egyptian. "Might as well make the last one count, eh?"  
  
Ryou shook his head in disgust as Marik wrapped the silver ribbon around the tweezers and aimed it for the flame. He lit the metal coil, watching it as it briefly sparked, then burned, holding the flame longer than normal.  
  
As it burned, he seemed to be struck with sudden inspiration, and swiftly pulled the metal from the fire and dropped it with a flourish onto the full roll of magnesium. There was a partial second of shocked silence, as Marik eagerly registered the pending blast, Bakura smirked, and Ryou stared. Then the block of highly flammable metal went up in a massive ovoid of flame, and the weaker of the two white-haired teens screamed.  
  
As Marik and Ryou jumped back to avoid singing their hair on the blaze and a satisfied Bakura watched from his perch on a nearby lab table, the immediate increase in heat and air current caused a nearby, closed beaker of ethanol to implode, and the inferno grew as the alcohol caught fire.  
  
At this point, Bakura had the courtesy to drag his shell-shocked hikari out of the path of the spreading liquid, and Marik began laughing uncontrollably. Meanwhile, the rest of the chemistry lab had erupted into chaos, and the teacher was shouting unimportant safety protocol at the unheeding mass of students clawing their way past each other towards the door.  
  
Ryou had meanwhile regained some semblance of his wits, and grabbed his yami's and Marik's hands in each of his, fuming, "You idiots! You total bakas! Are you trying to KILL me? Wait, don't answer, Bakura."  
  
They sped for the door and were soon jostled in amongst their fellow classmates as they attempted escape. Marik, upset at having been dragged away from his creation, bumped up against Ryou in the throng of bodies and remarked casually,  
  
"You know, I think we're going to give you prematurely white hair."  
  
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AN: Please read and review! Phoenix Tamer, Sapphire Wolf, I hope you like what I've done-it's all you guys's!! 


	2. Canine Cuisine

I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of its characters. If I did, do you really think I'd waste my time talking to you about them instead of talking to them? I also don't even own this story premise; it belongs to Sapphire Wolf and Phoenix Tamer, and they're two delightfully cooperative girls who let me post this in the first place. So, I wuv you two! Last but not least, thanks so much to Serena, my so-much-more-than-just-a-beta reader, who has (as of the writing of the sixth chapter) put up with a good dozen versions of this story, and reviewed them all with patience. Now, read and be amazed!  
  
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Incidental Pyrotechnics  
  
Incident Two: Canine Cuisine  
  
Fifth period at Domino High, seven minutes to bell. Cooking class.  
  
Among the cozy and bustling sounds and smells of the home economics lab, a voice rose in definite discord. "What the hell?" yelped Duke Devlin as he spit a mouthful of.something.into the in-sink garbage disposal, washing it down the drain with water as he yelled over his shoulder and across the room at his partner. "Wheeler, what the hell did you PUT in this shit? Good god-oh, sorry, teach!" He dried his hands off and returned to the lab station he shared with Joey, mumbling curses as he came.  
  
"Devlin, it's all in yer head. I put everythin' in right, like you said. Ya *watched* me, dumbass."  
  
"Watched or not, not even a dog would eat this shit! Taste it!" Duke protested, ripping a corner off the bundt cake and handing it to Joey. The blonde put the sample in his mouth, and immediately uttered a muffled curse, making a beeline for the nearest trash can. Duke merely folded his arms victoriously over the front of his pink frilled apron. "Did it right my ass."  
  
The blonde fumed. He turned from the trash can slowly, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, and glared at his insolent black-haired freind. "Shaddup, Devlin! I followed the instructions ya read t' me! Either you read somethin' wrong 'r both our tastebuds 'r off, but that stuff's foul!"  
  
Devlin shook his head condescendingly, causing his long dangling die earring to bop him in the cheek. He continued regardless. "No shit, Sherlock. But what's to say it wasn't your fault for putting the wrong ingredients in when I read 'em right? You're just stupid enough to do that!"  
  
Keeping his voice terse and at a level not likely to attract censure from the instructor, Joey lashed out at Duke. "Oh, of COURSE it's my fault, eh? Well, ain't'cha happy, it's all Joey's fault. Guess who's gonna fail, Devlin! BOTH of us! Happy now?"  
  
"No," Duke shot back sullenly, "I should have expected something like this. If I'd put the ingredients in as you read them off to me, this never would have happened. But, oh, wait-I forgot. You'd be no good at that, either- dogs can't read!" Duke laced the last three words with the most sarcasm he could muster, and Joey bristled like an electrocuted cat.  
  
"Dog? You're forgettin' your *own* species, DUKE! And your sorry ass can't pass this assignment without me, canine or no! So what's that make ya, Dukie-boy? Dependent on a mutt!"  
  
Duke didn't look up from the ingredients list, his face contorted with the effort of not rising to Joey's challenge. "Wheeler, shut up. Neither of us can afford to fail this damned thing. Help me figure out where we went wrong, *then* I'll cream you."  
  
"Ah, whatever." Duke began reading off the names of ingredients on the list, Joey matching them with the boxes on the counter. When everything on the list had been counted, there was one discrepancy.  
  
Duke firmly smacked himself, and then Joey, on the forehead. "Baking POWDER, y'dunce! How simple is it? Soda.powder. Soda.POWDER! Not baking soda, baking powder! Look at the la-bel! You baka, you wrecked our project because you can't *read,* you puppy!" He turned on the taller blonde at this, green eyes narrowed dangerously.  
  
"I'll show YOU puppy, Devlin!" Joey got ready to throw a punch at his partner, but was stopped by a meaningful look thrown in the direction of the plump instructor by the other's piercing green eyes. He growled and satisfied himself with throwing the hand towel in Devlin's face. The other easily blocked it and it slid off his arm to the countertop. The two continued working in displeased silence for several more minutes until Joey noticed something funny.  
  
"Hey, Duke. You smell anythin' funky?"  
  
"No, it's probably just your freak-nose picking up shit from next door, mutt."  
  
"Shut up, Devlin. I'm serious. It smells like something's.burnt."  
  
"Not the cake!" Duke wailed, as he turned to face their oven-  
  
-and came face-to face with a quickly-building blaze. The hand towel Joey had thrown at him had landed on the still-hot stovetop, and the fabric had easily caught flame. "WHEELER!"  
  
True to his name, Joey wheeled about, only to react in the same levelheaded manner his partner did. Remembering something about smothering fires to stop them, Joey ran to the oven, cursing as he went, and tried to kill the flames by covering them with his apron. A few seconds and singed forearms later, Joey went spinning about the small classroom, screaming at the top of his lungs. "FIRE! FIRE FIRE FIRE!!!" Smoke from his blazing apron followed him around the classroom like a sick firework, and Duke stood in shock at his friend's stupidity and distress.  
  
Their slightly rotund teacher, several steps ahead of Joey, had already snapped out of her state of shock and effectively woke the rest of the cooking class from their flame-induced trance with her screams.  
  
"Oh, Jesus Mary and Joseph get me out of here RUN children out of here now Oh My God."  
  
As Joey and Duke's classmates made their way through the doors in a less than calm and orderly fashion, Duke chased Joey around the home economics room, screaming profanities and commands at the top of his lungs. As the fire grew out of control, climbing into the overhead cabinets and from there to the ceiling, Duke followed a flaming, panicked Joey out the door and down the hall, yelling at him as they went, "Stop, drop, and roll! Stop, drop, and roll, dumbass!"  
  
Keeping several yards ahead of Duke and showing no signs of slowing down, Joey wailed as he ran, "I'm not taking any more commands from you, Devlin!!"  
  
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AN: Chapter two, completed! I switched more around in this than in the previous chapter, PT and SW-hope you don't mind. Keep reviewing, please! I won't write more if you don't!!!! 


	3. Haute Coiffure Conflagration

**AN**

**Okay, I know.** This story has been dead for like, forever. And it's still dead. I don't really remember where I was going with this when I wrote it, and I don't want to try to continue it regardless of inspiration, and it was a borrowed idea anyways. So **it is not, in fact, being continued**. What is happening is that Nightengale discovered three chapters of Pyrotechnics which she did not remember she still had. And so you get to see them. But this is all there is. **Thanks to the handful of you** who are reading--and of course, to **Phoenix Tamer and Sapphire Wolf** for letting me do their story my way in the first place. And thanks to **Serena4**, who betaed this oh so long ago when it was written (like a year?).

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of its characters. If I did, do you really think I'd waste my time talking to you about them instead of talking to them?

[]  
  
Incidental Pyrotechnics  
  
Incident Three: Haute-Coiffure Conflagration  
  
Fifth period at Domino High, eight minutes to bell. Salon.  
  
Tristan was bored. Very bored. Making a physical effort not to audibly yawn, the self-proclaimed "badass" carefully held a curling iron close to the scalp of a head-and-shoulders mannequin currently sporting a half- completed coif. Meanwhile, Mai Valentine was bent over the far side of the head, intently working leave-in conditioning gel into the dummy's hair, section by small section.  
  
"Tristan, if you're gonna curl the damn thing, at least do it right," Téa Gardener spat, stomping over to her partner and yanking the iron out of his slack grip.  
  
"Come on, Téa, you can't expect me to really care about this, can you? I mean, how stupid is it, spending an hour making one hairdo?"  
  
"Ask Serenity that if you ever get within twenty feet of her in a ballgown," Téa teased, winking at Mai over the mannequin's growing updo. Tristan made a halfhearted swipe at the back of her head, but pulled his hand quickly away as the petite girl brought the curling iron up to intercept his attack.  
  
"You know, Tristan," Mai continued, as she arranged some gracefully dangling curls around the mannequin's face, "you might wanna actually pay attention to what Téa and I are doing, here. I mean, you definitely need the points in class-" here she snickered, glancing at Téa, who rolled her eyes "-and it wouldn't hurt if you could learn some tricks for yourself. You could always help Serenity, since she can't see for herself. I'm sure she'd love someone besides her nurses doing her hair for once. And she does have such beautifully long, smooth, auburn hair."  
  
Tristan blushed as bright as said tresses, managing a strangled "Hey!" before Téa cut back in.  
  
"Tristan, we all know you only took this course for the girls. Well, I'm a girl, and you know what? You're gonna do something for me: you're gonna do well on this project, or you'll bring down both Mai's and my grades, and you don't wanna see what I'd do to you then. Take this iron back, and do it right!"  
  
Several of the girls at nearby stations giggled and pantomimed cracking a whip in the air as Tristan, still blushing and docile, took back the curling iron and followed Téa's orders, mumbling as he did so,  
  
"You didn't have to be so mean about it, Téa."  
  
Mai stood up from her work on the front curls of the hairdo, and stretched her arms over her head, arching her back and letting a small, rather pitiful, "mou" escape her lips.  
  
"What's up, Mai?" questioned Téa.  
  
"Well, I think I got it. I mean, I did it right, but it still doesn't look quite right, and I doubt it'd stay in if she shakes the head to test it. Plus I've been bending over so long my back's killing me!"  
  
"Lemme see, Mai. Which side's got the problem?"  
  
"Both of them."  
  
As his partners crouched down in front of the mannequin head to scrutinize its frontal aspect, Tristan rested his hands lightly on the crown of the head and sighed. His attention quickly drifted to a group across the room, which had elected to create an updo with many French fishtail braids built into the sides, and was running into issues with frizz control. He chuckled inwardly as one of the girls emptied half a bottle of hairspray onto the left side of her head in an attempt to make its hair stay in style, but nevertheless was disappointed by half of the braids on that side popping out of place.  
  
Tristan's attention was painfully snapped back to his own situation via Mai's screech. He looked down at his hands, and the thick tendrils of smoke curling around them, and yelped. Letting go of the curling iron, which was already fully buried in the wig, Tristan hastily leaped back several feet as tiny, baby-tongues of flames began licking out from between the sections of hair.  
  
Typical to Tristan, however, he didn't watch where he was jumping to as he beat his retreat, and so he crashed into the wall of haircare products behind him, causing several to fall to the linoleum below. A small scream from Téa punctuated his fall, and then a great shivering and shattered roar followed. The more fragile bottles of hair products-the expensive glass- bottled cremés, the gels in hard-plastic jars of candy colors-had shattered as they hit the floor, fallen because their glass shelves were crushed from underneath them by Tristan's bulk. Though they were all rather viscous liquids, the goos spread quickly enough to cause Mai to lose her stiletto- heeled footing. She tripped over the cord of the curling iron as she jumped forward to aid Tristan, who'd slid down to the floor, leaning dazedly up against the wall of bottles, and with one small jar of scented hair oil stuck in his hair.  
  
The smoldering dummy head toppled over, yanked off-balance by the curling- iron cord, and as it hit the puddles of hair sauces and gels, set them up in fire. The classroom's entire population screeched as the orange blaze in the corner became apparent, and the instructor stayed just as cool and collected as the best of her students, who were currently on their knees praying to their gods to save their slaved-over coiffures. Tristan jumped sky-high as the floor he was sitting on erupted in flame, and Téa extended her arms to him and Mai, yanking them out of the quickly-building inferno. They ran towards the door, Téa flapping at Tristan's still-smoking pants with a washcloth, and joined the rest of their panicking class in the hallway as they all made a mad dash for the exits.  
  
[]  
  
AN: Poor Tristan!! Read and review, please! And remember to thank the YGO cast for tolerating me while I put them through this, and PT and SW for letting me post! 


	4. Short Twin Circuit

I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of its characters. If I did, do you really think I'd waste my time talking to you about them instead of talking to them?

**GO READ MY AN in chapter 3 if you have not already.** If you have, keep reading here. :P

[]  
  
Incidental Pyrotechnics  
  
Incident Four: Short Twin Circuit  
  
Fifth Period at Domino High, twenty-one minutes to bell. Library.  
  
An icy pair of blue eyes flicked to the clock on the library wall, then focused back on the computer screen before them.  
  
"Twenty-one minutes. Plenty of time," Seto Kaiba murmured, increasing his already rapid typing speed. Pages of coding flew past his eyes as he transcribed the program even as fast as he conceived of it. Referring to a page of carefully laid-out notes and numbers, written in a precise hand on graph paper, Kaiba scrolled through his document with satisfaction. Again checking the clock, he allowed himself a minute to re-read a section of the program he was especially pleased with.  
  
'Seto Kaiba, you're a genius,' he told himself inwardly, saving his progress and paging down to the end of the code with a few quick keyboard strokes. He took a sip from a nearly-untouched warm Coke, sitting all but forgotten on the desk before him, and began a new string of programming, now adding bells and whistles to the essential lines of the code. A smile tugged at his mouth, succeeding only in turning up one corner into a self- satisfied smirk.  
  
A clamour in the doorway drew Kaiba's attention, and he sighed as two shocks of red and golden hair bobbed into the library, the smaller of the two darting energetically around its twin. Kaiba's fingers moved across the keyboard with renewed vigor as the pair of Yugis approached him.  
  
"Hello, Kaiba. I didn't know you, too, have no class this period." Yami Yugi's tone was polite and crisp, and it was obvious to his listener that no malice was meant by his intrusion. Still, an interruption was an interruption, and Kaiba had to fight an urge to dismissively snap back at the spirit.  
  
Yugi Motou, plainly in a good mood, grinned broadly at Kaiba as he followed his yami into the room. "Kaiba, why aren't you in the cafeteria? Yami and I just had an early lunch-we're gonna do our homework outside at noon break. You should'a joined us, it would've been fun!"  
  
Kaiba replied tersely, his eyes fixed on his work. "Pharaoh, Motou, I have to finish this coding in the"-here he again glanced at the clock-"fifteen minutes I have left until my next class, because my client in Singapore needs to receive it in time for his deadline. If you'd like to run the risk of delaying this program, and consequently endangering my business deal, then by all means, do continue."  
  
Yugi blinked at the conclusion of this statement, apparently startled that the world didn't share his good mood. Yami put up a finger to silence his hikari's intended comment, then replied to Kaiba more gravely than was suitable for the occasion. "Oh. I was not aware you were under so much pressure. Please, is there any way I can help you?"  
  
Kaiba groaned inwardly. Some long-dead Egyptian kings just couldn't take a hint. "Leaving would be splendid," he deadpanned, opening another window and comparing its contents to the formula he was creating. Engrossed in the white-on-black screenful of text, Kaiba distractedly picked up his Coke, which he raised to his lips and drank from. He shook his head a little to clear it as he put the drink down, and because Yami remained, reading over his shoulder as the program neared completion, did not indulge in running his hands through his smooth, thick hair in weariness.  
  
'At least Yugi's gotten distracted somewhere,' Kaiba consoled himself, as he replaced his hands on the keyboard and resumed typing. He was almost able to completely forget the presence of the Pharaoh reading over his shoulder, and several minutes later when he again moved to take a drink of Coke, hardly cared that Yami watched as he let a victorious smirk play at his lips. 'Done. This is going to seal the negotiations faster than you can say "partnership,"' Kaiba gloated mentally. 'Seto Kaiba, you are more than brilliant.'  
  
As Kaiba tipped his head back again to drink, his left hand still dancing over the keyboard in the well-memorized keystroke sequence needed to save his work, Yugi bounded over to his aibou, crashing into Yami's back with an exclamation which in full would have run along the lines of "Guess what, Yami, I was just reading this magazine, and there's this cool new Duel Monsters card!" He didn't, however, get past the first five words.  
  
In colliding with his yami, Yugi had caused the pharaoh to lurch forward. Because he was directly behind Seto's chair, and bent over slightly to see the computer screen, and because Kaiba had his head tilted back at that moment, drinking his Coke, when Yami was pushed forwards by Yugi's leap, he collided squarely with his rival's skull. Jarred out of his hand by the combined forces of Yami's impact and Seto's shock at being touched in the first place, KaibaCorp's beverage of choice landed on the keyboard in front of Kaiba. Its syrupy contents spilled instantly, coating the keyboard and dripping onto his knees before he had time to push his rolling chair away and out of the flow of liquid.  
  
Yugi, draped over his yami's back with his arms around his neck and his feet off the ground, stopped short right in the middle of "just," and Yami stared in dismay (though his severe features translated that dismay into more of a "horrified" expression) as Kaiba gathered his wits and rolled his chair back to the desk. Ignoring the stickiness of the keys, the puddle of Coke on the floor under his feet, or the now-empty can that clattered loudly away as his chair wheel collided with it, Seto swiftly entered five key sequences, then cold-rebooted the computer. He then reached around behind the computer at the desk next to him and unplugged its keyboard; it whined shrilly in confusion. Turning it off to silence the noise, Kaiba unplugged the ruined keyboard from his own terminal, and plugged in the fresh one.  
  
As the boot sequence flashed over the computer screen and the familiar, though not thoroughly comforting, whirr of the hard drive could be heard, Seto Kaiba slowly turned his chair and stood to face the pair of flame- haired teens. Yugi slid off of Yami's back and moved to stand by his side shamefully. With shoulders hunched and heads bowed as they were, the standing pair were barely half as tall as Kaiba, regally slender before them.  
  
"Seto-" Yami began, his voice strewn with gravel and remorse.  
  
The other's blue gaze flashed quickly and personally at Yami at use of his first name. Yami didn't notice it with his head bowed, and Kaiba quickly wiped the soft touch from his eyes.  
  
"Kaiba-" echoed Yugi, looking up at the only pair of blue eyes he knew that could so believably impersonate steel.  
  
Those eyes glared unfeelingly at both Motous. "Stop. Do you two have any idea what you may have just caused? If my quick thinking wasn't enough to save the files, nothing can recover them now. And if that's the case, my dear bright-headed boys, you two are going to pay dearly. If, however, the sequence I used worked, you two will still pay dearly, but at least you will have the comfort of knowing I might eventually be persuaded to forgive you. IF the files are safe, that is." Kaiba's gaze pierced the pair of duelists, and Yami commented to Yugi through their shared mind,  
  
You are aware I've never known Seto Kaiba to forgive an offense this great, Yugi.  
  
How long have you known him, Yami?  
  
A long, long time.  
  
I'll pray, aibou.  
  
Kaiba opened his mouth to speak again, but was interrupted by a squeal from his computer. He spun around, quickly read the error message on the otherwise blank screen, and began typing, working his way to the source of the problem using DOS. Behind him, Yami and Yugi watched with bated breath as KaibaCorp's CEO delved into the network of computers that ran Domino High. A slight relaxation of the blue-eyed brown-haired teen's frame signaled to Yami that they had grounds to hope; a minute later, Kaiba addressed them as he continued working, his tone barely contained.  
  
"Pharaoh, you have the most damnably persistent good luck I've ever seen. My quick thinking saved my program from being deleted or corrupted by your asinine mishap, but the server I saved it to collapsed because it couldn't handle communicating with this computer," he said, gesturing with his hand to the destroyed keyboard as he spoke. On the word "collapsed," both his listeners looked sharply at each other and back at the back of his head, Yugi's eyes going even rounder than they were, Yami's staying static but, to one who knew him, obviously betraying his shame at having caused Seto this trouble. Either unaware of their actions, or disregarding them, Kaiba continued.  
  
"I am searching the file recovery depositories-for you laypeople, that would be the place where unfinished, unsaved documents are stored if some emergency like this occurs. Though I can't imagine its creators envisioning something this moronic occurring, the depository still served its purpose. My program is safe. I will go find the principal and demand he forbid any students using the computers until I have recovered it from the server, and you two will stay right here until I return. I'm not done with you."  
  
With that, Kaiba rose from his chair and stalked towards the library door, his hands clenched in fists and his long gait betraying some degree of his anger. As he reached it, and a moment before he was about to step into the hallway, Joey Wheeler went zipping past him, trailing smoke from his blazing (and quickly disintegrating) apron, followed closely by Duke Devlin. Both were screaming-Devlin what sounded like a command you'd give a spaniel, and Joey some sort of statement of defiance.  
  
Despite himself, his anger at the two flame-headed teens behind him, and his general aversion to losing his cool, Kaiba could not help himself from turning around to face Yami.  
  
"Was that.?"  
  
"Yes, Kaiba, that was Joey, on fire, followed by Duke. I think now would be a good time to assist them. I will return to take my blame for ruining your program. But right now, Joey needs me more than you." With that, Yami pushed past Kaiba and out the door and sprinted down the hallway, followed at a distance by Yugi, the Millennium Puzzle bouncing around on his petite chest as he chased his lanky, loping yami.  
  
[] AN: As always, read and review, please! Thank the YGO cast for tolerating me all this goofiness, and PT and SW for letting me post! Review or no more updates! 


	5. Burnt

I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of its characters. If I did, do you really think I'd waste my time talking to you about them instead of talking to them?

**READ THE AN in chapter 3. **Then come back and read this. :)

[]  
  
Incidental Pyrotechnics  
  
Incident Five: Burnt  
  
Heads poked out of classroom doors all along the 500 hallway of Domino High, intrigued by the Doppler-effect scream they'd just heard. Those who looked out of their classroom doors quickly enough spotted a tall, well- built, sandy-blonde quickly disappearing down the hall; those who looked really quickly were nearly knocked over by the reed-thin, emerald-eyed, raven-haired boy chasing him. All, regardless of whether they'd seen the mobile, flaming source of the screams, heard what he said.  
  
"Fire?" they whispered to each other. "But the smoke alarms aren't going off."  
  
"Yeah, and the sprinklers aren't on either!"  
  
"Baka, there's no smoke in this room! Of course the sprinklers aren't on in here!"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"It's probably just a prank."  
  
Then the gaggle of Joey and Duke's classmates followed the pair of banshee- wannabes down the hall, panicked, yammering to each other as they went, and the classrooms emptied as the students gave credence to Joey's wails.  
  
In the 300 hall, a comparable spectacle was simultaneously occurring, but to much less skepticism. First, because the burning individual-Tristan-was only smoking, and was running much less quickly. Second, because Téa and Mai, howling their heads off at him as they ran towards the front door of the school, were spouting much more intelligible and intelligent phrases than Duke's dog commands. Third, because Mai, Téa, and Tristan were bringing up the rear of the parade, following their frenzied salon teacher and classmates out of the building.  
  
Students began to filter out of their classrooms in the wake of the coiffure class, and milled about in the hallway aimlessly for a bit before being directed to "vacate the building in an orderly fashion." Translation: the students formed a mob as they flowed down the hall en masse, yelling back and forth to each other across the queue, joking, and in general, babbling at such a volume the teachers' directives were soon drowned out.  
  
Meanwhile, Marik, Bakura, and Ryou kept busy exchanging blows and insults as they were pressed through the halls towards the exits, pressed in the middle of the tight-knit herd of chemistry students.  
  
"Baka-ra! Ethanol is FLAMMABLE! What're you trying to DO, burn the school down?"  
  
Bakura chuckled at his hikari's unintentional pun. "No, but if I'm lucky, at least the lab will be totaled!"  
  
Ryou responded to that with a slap, though since he couldn't get any force behind it both because of the press of students around him and his existing weakness, it did little but to get Marik involved in the argument.  
  
"Hey, don't hit him!"  
  
"Hey, don't set things on fire, and I wouldn't have to!"  
  
Ryou's taller twin, his hair mussed and his eyes mischievous, impudently shot back, "What's wrong with setting things on fire? That was the point of the lab, wasn't it, Ryou?"  
  
Ryou just shook his head and let the flow of the crowd carry him away from his yami, wishing his hair weren't already white, so he'd have some sort of proof that those two were sending him to an early death.  
  
Kaiba sauntered out of the school building at a slow pace, determined not to let more damage be done to his cool demeanor than the twin flame-haired midgets had caused already. A strange tableau of performances greeted his eyes, and he walked down the steps of the building to weave between the actors. Intermingled among the many identical faces of anonymous students of the school were those he grudgingly recognized. First passing a howling mad Marik and a laughing Bakura, Kaiba continued on his imperturbable way through the crowd, hoping that the madmen wouldn't take issue with his presence, as they were prone to do. He noticed Téa and Mai abusing Tristan off on the edges of the queue of students-Mai was sitting atop Tristan's shoulders, facing his legs, and batting fiercely at them with a towel, despite the fact that they had long since ceased to burn. Opportunist that he was, Tristan still found no enjoyment in this arrangement, as Téa was in the middle of a tirade against his intelligence for setting himself on fire with hair gel, which was periodically punctuated by Mai's beating-Kaiba moved on, chuckling to himself that he'd known that ridiculous hairdo would cause Tristan pain eventually. Ryou and Yugi were right in front of him, Ryou sitting on the lawn, and Yugi standing barely taller than him, pulling his hand in an attempt to get him to follow the smaller boy; he heard "Joey" as part of the plea. Kaiba had almost walked into them, not that it would've mattered. Even with that bright hair, Yugi was small enough to qualify as a toy dog sometimes.  
  
And speaking of dogs.  
  
Joey Wheeler was still running. His apron was burnt away by now, only a bit of the bib remaining, and his shirt and pants were now in jeopardy. Duke was still yelling commands at him, but had ceased to chase him, only turning in circles to face Joey as the blonde ran in an increasingly contracting circle around his friend. Kaiba stood to watch Joey's antics, ready to laugh out loud at his distress, when suddenly Joey was floored. Right as he was passing in front of Kaiba, he dropped below Kaiba's line of vision, and it took the brunette a moment to realize that the reason Joey was now sprawled headlong on the ground was because Yami Yugi, who, unnoticed to Kaiba or Duke, had finally caught up with them, had intentionally tripped him. Aforementioned game king had already pounced on Joey, briefly helping him to roll backwards and forwards on the lawn, until the last vestiges of flame were put out.  
  
Breathing heavily, Joey lay on the lawn spread-eagled on his back with his eyes shut. Duke sat by Joey's left arm, folded up like a tense pocketknife, and obviously ready to ream Joey out for his stupidity, as soon as he could be assured his friend was not hurt. Yami stood and looked down on Joey with relief in his crimson gaze. Kaiba chuckled, making his presence known to the blonde, and Joey let out a long hiss of air from between his teeth before speaking, keeping his eyes closed.  
  
"Kaiba, not a word, got it? Y'can't even call me a mutt this time, 'cuz I didn' listen to Devlin's half-brain doggie commands here. And Duke, I don' wanna hear it. I know you're pissed, you don' hafta tell me so."  
  
"Wheeler, y'dunce!"  
  
"I said, shove it, Devlin!" Joey's eyes snapped open and he rolled his head to the side to glare at Duke.  
  
"Joey!" cried Yugi, as he came running up to the quartet, dragging Ryou and Tea by the hands, Mai and Tristan following behind.  
  
Kaiba sighed inwardly. The whole gaggle of imbeciles, in one place. This was going to get annoying.  
  
"Are you okay, buddy? I got set on fire, too, but we got it out a lot sooner than you did. Y'okay, there, Joe?" Tristan helped Joey sit up, and Mai crouched down to face him. Her purple eyes glittered in the afternoon light, and she had a smirk on her lips, despite being sincerely concerned for the blonde's health.  
  
"Joseph, are you okay? I should've expected you to pull something like this, but."  
  
"Gods, gerroff me!" Joey exclaimed, drawing himself up to his full height with help from Duke and Tristan. "I'm not dead, youse guys! Stop actin' like I gotta be taken care of 'r somethin!"  
  
Seto laughed, a gleeful and somehow simultaneously mirthless sound. "Actually, Wheeler, I think you might need a little assistance where garments are concerned." Joey looked down, and his chocolate-brown eyes widened as he noticed that his orange plaid boxers were clearly visible through the hole in his pants. Téa and Mai, who, along with the rest of the group, had looked where Kaiba had gestured, squeaked and turned away, and Joey went red. Kaiba turned, satisfied, and sauntered away as Tristan pulled off his school jacket to cover Joey's waist.  
  
"That rat." Téa growled, back still turned discreetly away.  
  
Duke looked at Joey and smirked. "Well, I think he did you a favor, Wheeler. Think what would've happened if a certain someone had seen? Oh, wait, she di-"  
  
Joey flushed a deeper shade of ruby, if that was possible, and hit Duke hard on the back of his head as Tristan giggled. Meanwhile, Marik and Bakura had sauntered up to the group, both looking pleased with themselves, but Bakura especially haughtily so.  
  
Ryou turned to his yami. "What's up, aibou?"  
  
"The school's up in flames, if that counts."  
  
Marik added, in a wavering, thready voice which signaled extreme instability to the rest, added, "My mood's up, because the school's up!"  
  
Eyes in every color of the spectrum swung around to stare at their school, and indeed, flames licked from the building into the blue sky; the steadily growing cloud of smoke it produced was turning the clear air foggy and dull.  
  
"But why? Surely the fire department-"  
  
Marik grew serious for a moment, his eyes narrowing to veritable slits. "Shut up, woman." Ryou flinched at this designation; the Egyptian continued, his eyes rounded and soft again. "Nope, nope, no firemen, no school, no school!" Marik sang the last four words, his unusual tone again causing the entire group to wince.  
  
"Why not? Why wouldn't they come?" Tristan looked askance at Joey, and both stared back at Bakura, befuddled.  
  
Seto had paused to listen, still turned away from the group, but with his ear tuned to their conversation.  
  
"Did any of you hear the alarms go off? Anybody get caught under the sprinkler system?" Bakura's perfunctory tone laid plain that he knew the responses would be negative, and that the question was merely designed to make the rest of the group aware of the conclusion he'd already drawn.  
  
"What are you getting at, Bakura?" Seto hissed, confident he'd drawn the same conclusion as the Ring spirit.  
  
"The computer system crashed, disabling the digital sprinkler and alarm systems. It got short-circuited."  
  
Kaiba turned around despite himself and caught Yami's bloodstained gaze with his own.  
  
"Pharaoh, I think that gets you off the hook for crashing my program. You and your luck," Seto growled.  
  
Yugi blinked widely at the tall brunette. "You're not more mad at us?"  
  
As the rest of the group tried to figure out what exactly the three could be talking about, Seto allowed a faint wry smile to dance over his lips.  
  
"You've just indirectly eliminated the biggest bane of my existence, save your own miserable selves. I was willing to do you a huge favor and call it even. Don't tempt me by asking for punishment again."  
  
Yami laughed with his eyes, his most sincere smile. "Seto."  
  
"Shut up, Pharaoh." Kaiba stalked away, clearly in a poor mood despite the school's demise.  
  
Joey made faces at him as he walked away, and Téa just shook her head in confusion at the exchange. Yugi and Yami were busy talking through their mind-link, their faces glazed with the by-now well-known "listening" look, and so Duke and Mai, unable to sate their curiosity over what Kaiba and Yami had been referring to by asking the source, instead conferred guardedly with Bakura. Ryou and Marik watched the school burn, and Téa pensively moved next to Ryou to watch, too. Not obtaining the simple pleasure of watching the flames that both her companions gained, Téa stood and fretted.  
  
"Now where do we go?"  
  
[]

**AN:** As I said in the chapter AN, this is where it ends. I stopped here about a year ago and never got back to it. I look at it now and cringe at the style. Go read my newest effort, Teasing, if you really want to see more of Nightengale's scratches. And whether or not you liked this, hit that little button right below these words and tell me, please. I'm going to print out all my pages of reviews and take them to the Chuck E Cheese's. They take good report cards, right? But college students don't get report cards, so reviews are the next best thing. Finance my Chuck E Cheese's trip!! Review!!


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